A word to parents…

This past Sunday, Aug. 29th, Carin and I celebrated our 45th wedding anniversary. So, I was out of the office last week. In light of that I am sending this post that I think is really important for all parents of boys. Carin and I never had a son, but we have worked with many young men. Please give this your attention!

father and son

7 Things a Son Needs from His Father

As a boy grows up, there will be many people who influence him and his development into adulthood. As a father, you want to be the main influence in this area. You are, and should be, his most important role model. Below are 7 things to help you be the best role model you can be in your son’s life. Here is a printable version for you as well. Don’t forget to check out the 7 Things a Daughter Needs from Her Dad too!

1. He needs you to love his mother.

When you love your wife, or the mother of your son, you are showing him how to treat his mother, his sisters, and all the women he’ll meet in his life. This will set the foundation for the relationships he will have later in his life.

2. He needs to see you fail, not just succeed.

The best teacher is failure. The best type of failure to learn from is someone else’s. When your son sees you fail, and handle the failure well, he sees that it is okay to make mistakes and that mistakes can be great teachers. A boy who is not afraid of making mistakes will grow into a man positioned to accept and conquer great challenges.

3. He needs your servant leadership.

You may or may not be the boss at work. You may or may not be the pastor or minister at church. You may or not be a leader in your community. But you are the leader of your family. Your son needs to see true leadership in your home. He needs to see you leading by serving. When he sees you leading by serving, he will better understand leadership and be able to more effectively lead versus follow his peers. As he grows, he will better lead his family, lead at work, lead at church, and lead in his community.

4. He needs you to be present.

As you fulfill all the different roles you have, you may be pulled in multiple directions. He needs you to be present in his education, in his social life, in all areas of his life. Some areas are not intended for mom only, or for his friends only. Your presence in all areas will give him the support he needs.

5. He needs your love regardless of his choices.

You may be the biggest sports junkie not living in Bristol, CT (where ESPN headquarters are located). And your son may not be able to kick a ball if you placed it on his toe, nor care that he can’t. No matter what choices your son makes, he needs you to love him even if they are different than yours. Even when they are wrong choices. Your love and guidance will open the door to trust and acceptance that build your relationship. And it will build his self-esteem.

6. He needs you to affirm him.

“I love you, son.” “I’m proud of you, son.” “You are amazing, son.” “I know you can do it, son.” “That was an amazing play you made!” “You are a hard worker.” “You messed up, but I know you’ll bounce back.” Your son needs your encouragement. He needs to hear the words that let him know you love having him as a son.

7. He needs you to discipline him in love.

When you discipline your son, you set boundaries and expectations. He is going to make mistakes just like you did as a kid and just like you do now. But he also needs to know that his actions have consequences. Disciplining him in love will teach him to consider the consequences his actions will have. This will prepare him to think and evaluate the choices he makes both now and in the future.

Taken from http://www.allprodad.com I Strongly encourage all parents to mark this site as a favorite!! < Tom

Get a hair cut!!

Slander is becoming epidemic. Almost daily we hear of individuals or organizations destroyed by damaging words. Politicians and celebrities are among those whose reputations are stained by this sin and they are often not innocent themselves. Sadly, the body of Christ can be just as guilty of slander.


In 2 Samuel 15:1-2 we read about Absalom’s damaging words.
15 1-2 As time went on, Absalom took to riding in a horse-drawn chariot, with fifty men running in front of him. Early each morning he would take up his post beside the road at the city gate. When anyone showed up with a case to bring to the king for a decision, Absalom would call him over and say, “Where do you hail from?”
And the answer would come, “Your servant is from one of the tribes of Israel.”
3-6 Then Absalom would say, “Look, you’ve got a strong case; but the king isn’t going to listen to you.” Then he’d say, “Why doesn’t someone make me a judge for this country? Anybody with a case could bring it to me and I’d settle things fair and square.” Whenever someone would treat him with special honor, he’d shrug it off and treat him like an equal, making him feel important. Absalom did this to everyone who came to do business with the king and stole the hearts of everyone in Israel.

As followers of Jesus there are many sins that can keep us from being totally connected to HIM, like the branch mentioned in John 15, but slander takes others down with us. Maybe that is why there are so many warnings against slander in the Bible. Here are just a few:

Proverbs 10:18
He who conceals hatred has lying lips, And he who spreads slander is a fool.

Psalms 101:5
Whoever secretly slanders his neighbor, him I will destroy; No one who has a haughty look and an arrogant heart will I endure.

2 Corinthians 12:20
For I am afraid that perhaps when I come I may find you to be not what I wish and may be found by you to be not what you wish; that perhaps there will be strife, jealousy, angry tempers, disputes, slanders, gossip, arrogance, disturbances;

Ephesians 4:31
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.

Another thought: if you are tempted to slander someone, you might want to get a haircut! Ha-ha

2 Samuel 18:9-10 Absalom ran into David’s men, but was out in front of them riding his mule, when the mule ran under the branches of a huge oak tree. Absalom’s head was caught in the oak and he was left dangling between heaven and earth, the mule running right out from under him. A solitary soldier saw him and reported it to Joab, “I just saw Absalom hanging from an oak tree!”
11 Joab said to the man who told him, “If you saw him, why didn’t you kill him then and there? I’d have rewarded you with ten pieces of silver and a fancy belt.”
12-13 The man told Joab, “Even if I’d had a chance at a thousand pieces of silver, I wouldn’t have laid a hand on the king’s son. We all heard the king command you and Abishai and Ittai, ‘For my sake, protect the young man Absalom.’ Why, I’d be risking my life, for nothing is hidden from the king. And you would have just stood there!”
14-15 Joab said, “I can’t waste my time with you.” He then grabbed three knives and stabbed Absalom in the heart while he was still alive in the tree; by then Absalom was surrounded by ten of Joab’s armor bearers; they hacked away at him and killed him.



The Little League baseball season ended here in my hometown just before the Fourth of July. Our younger daughter’s family has been staying with us while they build a new house, and both Tommy and Sammy Slocum, my two youngest grandsons, love sports. Tommy’s team only won a few games but Sam was on a team that was more competitive. To add to the fun, his dad, Jonathan, coached the team. It was fun to hear the three of them discuss strategy and decide who would pitch and for how many pitches. (Little league has a pitch count rule.)


Most of those playing, in my sometimes humble opinion, will not play at the next level. But they loved putting on the uniform and playing to win. Each game was different; some games went well and others not so well. At that level you never know if the pitcher will throw strikes, if batters will not be afraid of the pitch and if fielders will catch the occasional pop up!
One evening, after a not so good game, Jonathan came home talking about how some of the players just didn’t show up. He puts in many extra hours after work to help these kids with their game. I’ve been there as a coach and understood his frustration. After a few minutes of listening to Jon, I asked him if I could comment. He graciously said go for it.

I told him high school coaches have their 15-18 year old players practicing two hours a day five days a week. They’ve selected the best players in the school to give them the greatest chance of winning. They repeat drills and practice hitting and pitching, hoping these teens develop muscle memory so they will perform well on game day. However, even though they practice way more than the kids on his Little League team, they don’t always do well.

Baseball is a game of speed, size, eye/hand coordination and baseball IQ, all tough for an 8-10 year old. So was Jonathan’s time as a coach useless? NO! Building into these kids is good and doing it well is even better.

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. Colossians 3:23-24

Why do I tell you this? Because when we make a commitment we need to do our best! Everything is spiritual! However, sometimes as followers of Jesus we get caught up in fear and guilt. We feel we have to do everything perfectly, to excel in everything we do. We try to live exactly as the bible teaches. That sounds honorable but it’s not realistic.

Each individual is given different talent and different ability to learn. We are all at different levels of faith. We still need to show up, do the best we can and put Jesus first in our everyday lives.

Sammy, Tommy and Jonathan will have many good memories of this past year –the uniforms, the smell of fresh cut grass, the rainouts, the dirt and the dugout.They will talk about bad calls by the umpires, vocal fans and maybe even a few bonehead plays by teammates.But I bet the biggest thing they will remember is that they did it together. Quality time doing something they all love.

I have a hunch this is what we should be remembering in our journey with Jesus.

Oh, one more memory: Jonathan, Sammy and the Cubs won the title this year.

So…What defines us??

Life can throw us many breaking pitches. For non baseball people, that means that life is not always even. Sometimes life can throw us a curve ball, a change up or a screwball!

When life does not go the way we want, we can tend to go to default mode or whatever makes us feel good or have worth. Peter did it after he denied Christ. He went back to fishing. (John 21)

I find it interesting how life can affect each of us. After a while we learn how to survive, sometimes to our detriment. We choose paths that are not necessarily God honoring. We can very easily get into a mode of defining ourselves by something other than what God would intend. Here are a few examples:

Weight: Some people are obsessed with thinness. They seem to think the perfect body is the answer to gaining respect. Their worth is based on their weight. If they eat too many fat grams or miss their daily exercise it’s a bad day.


Workout: Did you go to the gym today? How much did you lift? How much cardio did you do? I don’t think most of us in this country before 1960 had a clue what any of that means. And the rest of the world is just happy to have a meal.

Wealth: Our worth is based on our portfolio. Or it may be on where we live, what we drive or what we wear. Most will not admit this but we know it’s true.

Health: “If you have faith you will be healthy.” That’s not how I understand the Bible, but some really good folks really believe that if they are not healthy there must be sin in their lives.

Food: Many conversations revolve around food. Is it healthy? Nutritious? Gourmet? GMO/Gluten/TransFat/Chemical free? I enjoy a good meal as much as the next person and I appreciate healthy food. But food can become an idol when it occupies too much of my thinking.

Family: Healthy families are to be desired but if our identity is in our spouse or children, they can become idols.

Before you flood my inbox, I admit I have probably fallen into each of the above categories during my earth journey. I am not above any of them. In themselves, none of the things mentioned are wrong unless my identity is dependent on them. Anything that takes the place of how we love God and others can become an idol!

That’s why we all need to be reminded of what is most important…..often!

Luke 10:27
And he answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.”
John 14:21
Whoever has my commandments and keeps them, he it is who loves me. And he who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I will love him and manifest myself to him.”
1 Corinthians 10:14
Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry.



When we watch the news we often wonder what is happening to our world. Reports of murder, theft, disaster, crime, corruption, and the list goes on. Culture evolves, laws change. As followers of Jesus we would love to see the whole world turn to JESUS, but even the Christian community is divided on what is truth and what it looks like to follow Christ. Both pastors and parishioners fall into temptation. No one is exempt from trouble, illness or loss.


For followers of Christ, the world is not our permanent home. Whatever life throws at us, we are called to a standard set by Jesus. In fact, in John 17 Jesus prays, “Father, I do not ask that you take them out of the world, but rather that you protect them from the evil one.”

Yet, even with that truth we as Christ followers sometimes act surprised by what we see in the news.

Here are a few things to remember when people who are not followers of Jesus don’t see life t we do:
• Rough times happen to the just and unjust
• God is more interested in how we respond
• The world system does not think like followers of Jesus all the time.

-The world system will redefine terms to make life work for them.
-We are to be Jesus in the world and share His love and salvation.

Followers of Jesus need to remember:
• accountability to each other and to HIS WORD as our truth.
• Jesus’ truth is for Jesus followers
• If a fellow believer is not following the WORD, we are to encourage them. Gal. 6:1
• God has given us a way to help followers of Christ who aren’t following Him. Matt 18
• God is in control…NOTHING SURPRISES HIM!

I would be interested in your thoughts on this topic.

Galatians 6:1-5
Brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, so that you too will not be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.

Luke 17:3
“Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him
– Romans 14:12

So then each one of us will give an account of himself to God.

Psalms 22:28 – For the kingdom [is] the LORD’S: and he [is] the governor among the nations.

Matt.18:15-17 “If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you’ve made a friend. If he won’t listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again. If he still won’t listen, tell the church. If he won’t listen to the church, you’ll have to start over from scratch, confront him with the need for repentance, and offer again God’s forgiving love.


This week I would like to share a portion of our new book “SANDUSKY BAY”

Sandusky cover real

You know I am not much at talking and not very good at writing. But the last few months have had me doing an evaluation of my life. I have come to realize that I had not taken the time to teach you how to grow up. The truth is, I just did not feel I had what it took.

I think I may have taught you how to work hard, and the importance of providing for your family. I have watched from a distance as you have gone to the mill day after day. I can only imagine how tough it was for you to get hurt and now have to stay home.

I thought I would write out what I have been thinking and what I should have told you early on, hoping you will pass some of this on to Joey.

1. Always accept responsibility for what you do. No lies or complaining. Get and take what you deserve.
2. You cannot control most of life, as hard as you will want to. If you try too hard it will make you an angry man… like I was for most of my life. Roll with the punches. You only have one life.
3. Care about others, especially your wife and family. I was too worried about money and what others thought. I drank too much and took my anger out on your mother. Although it has been tough for us Chadwick’s to be kind to one another, be especially kind to your family. Care about them more than yourself.
4. Appreciate the small things in life. Don’t always look for the spectacular. See the good in all events.
5. Money is needed, but not more important than people.
6. Always treat woman with respect and care.
7. Every day of life is a gift no matter how bad it sucks.
8. Try to find someone older than you to let you know what is down the path of aging. I failed you in this area and I ask your forgiveness.
9. There is something to religion. I met a guy, Ted Barrett, who would live it and tell me about God. I should have investigated it more deeply. I was too proud to do so.
10. Show how proud you are of your family. I never told you this, but I was proud to be your dad and do love you. I am so sorry I never said that to you. That’s the old Chadwick pride showing up again. Wait, no—that is my pride showing up again.

Love you,

A few things to consider!

If you are interested in more about our book, us coming to speak to your men’s group or free audio discussions, go to http://www.2brealmen.com, join us on our Facebook page 2brealmen or order the book on Amazon “SANDUSKY BAY” Tom Roy and Jerry Price.