So often in my life journey in have hated the challenges that conflict brought. It seemed easier to navigate conflict on the sports field or floor. We called it competition. Sure there was tension and the occasional trash talking, but the ability to compete and sometimes win made it fun.
Normal life situations that include conflict often do not end up being events I would categorized as fun. The same adrenaline is not there. Rather there is fear of loss of relationship or exposure.
In recent years I have understood at a deeper level why I had these concerns and fears of confrontation. It was not the issue or issues at hand. Like most, I enjoy a good discussion and problem solving. The problems for me were in how people approached conflict.
Three main areas are what I now concentrate on in the midst of dealing with conflict:
1. Attitudes
2. Permission.
3. One on one
Attitude: Gal. 6:1 “Those of you who are spiritual in a humble manner approach….” is where I go with attitude. If someone approaches me in a humble manner, I am much more apt to take an approach that will make the issue less emotional and more factual.
Secondly, if they ask permission, it shows me that they have empathy for my time and life. If permission is asked and the immediate response is not demanded, I find I can be gracious. Let’s talk, and let’s set a time.
Lastly, the discussion does not need to be escalated by including others in the initial discussions. Matthew 18 seems to make sense here.
Conflict had not been modeled like this on the athletic field or in commerce. I respond best when conflict is handled in this manner. How about you? Thought these hints might help as family’s gather for the holidays 🙂 Thoughts?
Tom Roy 
I agree Tom. Learning to do the one on one thing is the deal. Personal, relational, spiritual movement that respects the dignity of the person in conflict with us and they with us. Good stuff.
ThAmos Jerry!
Well put and no argument Sir Thomas! I went through conflict with extended family 30 years ago, only in the last few years have healing taken place, such a waste.
Another type that I feel is just as damaging is “Silent Conflict,” in other words there is a wedge between two and the resolve is alienation, I and others have found this prevalent in Christian circles, where a problem between individuals does not result in getting to the root and fixing, but the beginning of a cold silent war,
“Lord, in Jesus name help us get over ourselves for your Namesake!!
Thanks again Tom, will be sharing your message in the morning.
Great point and thanks for your comments!